How much are we talking here?

Last Thursday I was invited out to lunch by a few of my mates (oh, and Queen) to try something called Harry's Cafe De Wheels... Now, when I was told about this place I wasn't too convinced because all I was hearing was how great their sausages are. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of sausage (both innuendo and literal), so I don't really care for a kiosk that sells the "best sausages in town". I eventually caved to Michelle's invite and ended up tagging along with Tyrone, Anthony and Kimberly (oh, and Queen) to this random ass food kiosk in the middle of Goddamn nowhere... Otherwise known as Liverpool. It was a nice to catch up with Anthony considering how hard it is to go see him and how little we chat otherwise. I knew he was doing well when his T-shirt read "Snoop Diggity Dawg" (Long story short this was a team name related to cadets or flight academy... I forget which).

Michelle, being the qualified Asian female driver among the group, drove everyone apart from Anthony to this cafe. I came out of the ordeal with my limbs still attached to my body so I can't complain.

I was honestly expecting this place to be something different, like a roadside restaurant or something, but it is literally a refurbished kebab shop with the most Australian shit painted on the sides. Everyone ordered this glorified hot dog with mashed peas on top... I ordered a meat pie. This isn't America... We don't gorge on hot dogs in this country. Well, to be totally honest it was more of a pastry thing, but what difference does it make when the meat tasted like boot. The outside was good though. Mmmm.

So I'm guessing Krispy Kreme means something to most people. I'm one of those guys who would rather have something savoury over something sweet, which is why I never really bothered with KK. But yeah, the gang (and Queen) decided to pop into the KK for a dozen glazed donuts. Now, the KK was under total renovation so instead of closing the shop entirely they had a weird little setup with a van, several tables and the big ass umbrellas with the logos on top. This van had an entire cappuccino machine built into the back. Who even likes subwoofers? Real men shove a little bit of Italy in the back of their rides... Shit, that sounded gay. But yeah, KK after lunch for those thunder thighs and that ba-donkey-donk ass. By this point Anthony had to head off unfortunately.

Michelle mentioned earlier how she intended to check out Harvey Norman to browse their tablets. She isn't a fan of iPads but she had her eyes set on the Surface Pro. Now, this old asian employee, who was probably a Shogun back in his day, was the most cunning salesman I've seen in a Harvey Norman. "Tony", or as Michelle called him, "Kenny", instantly jumped into telling her why the Surface Pro is the best Goddamn invention this world has ever seen. You know about sliced bread, right? Heck, this tablet invented sliced bread. This tablet, because of it's ultra-modern design, has already cured cancer and AIDS. The only thing this tablet can't do is find Queen a guy she likes, but nothing's perfect.

But back to Tony... Mr Tony managed to hook all three girls into his spiel - Michelle, Queen and Tyrone Kimberly. According to Mr Tony the Surface Pro, on this particular day of this particular month of this particular year... Is like $300 off. INSTANTLY Michelle's eyes rolled dollar signs and the three of them formed a little huddle. At the end I swear they threw their hands in and screamed "Gooo TONY!". Somehow these three broke girls (Heh) managed to have $700 dollars lying around in their accounts, cards and bras. The best part though... The best bloody part is when they told Tony they need to get a breath of fresh air and think it over, which is perfectly fine...

Next thing we know we're sitting on a random lounge suite and they're calling up JB HI FI to see if they can beat Tony's deal. I'm not sure if that's being smart or just being cheap... But I would've loved to see Tony take on JB HI FI's offer.

JB HI FI didn't offer them shit.

But anyway, at the end of this fiasco Tony walks away with a commission of probably $1k+ and the three amigos each have some sort of Surface Pro party when they get home.




I love my iPad.

Btw - Queen and I are just mates. I prefer it that way so dw I'm not trying to get into her pants... I don't like Thai penis anyway. No hard feelings, beb.

Also - As much shit as I get for #yearoftheABH... It caught on real fucking quick. That's gonna be trending by the end of this year. Please continue.