#yearoftheABH (Part 2)

The year that I get shit done!

2014 has definitely... DEFINITELY... been an interesting year and we're like, what? Two months in? Really? I swear days have been flying by... I mean I've already had university orientation. Oh dear God I've already had university orientation?!

You know how school students get all enthusiastic for school after a long break? Yeah well I had that enthusiasm but I've seen my e-mails and the workload for week 1 is already freaking me out! WHAT ON EARTH IS A RETROPERITONEAL ORGAN?! No seriously I need an answer before Thursday, thanks!

Anyway, I'm going to have to get back up to speed with what it's like to be a student otherwise I definitely won't pass the assessment found in Week Three. Week. Bloody. Three. WHY ON EARTH WAS I SO ENTHUSIASTIC?!
Naw, I kid... I'm still extremely excited for university. New place, new people, new routine... It's so appealing! I've already toured most of the campus and it's really spacious in comparison to school grounds.

So how'd orientation go?

Glad you asked!

So my course introduction was given in one of the medical school's lecture theaters in order to seat the large amount of students. God damn there were a lot of students. Roughly 3,300 over three campuses. Of course, being the social butterfly that I am I took the very far left back hand corner to myself. Off to a great start, if I do say so myself!

Now the orientation itself...? UTTERLY BORING! Not worth typing out details! I say that because it was indeed a boring orientation... HOWEVER, it still contained valuable information about my course. They covered things like where we will be performing practical experience, what our uniforms look like (red and black- nothing special), what hospital placement will be like and so forth.

I'm getting ahead of myself but they said that they could place you on night shifts at hospitals and you just have to hack it in order to pass the course. Can't wait to be that guy who gets stuck on night shifts. It's not like I even like to sleep anyway.


So back to the orientation... Oh yeah! They give every new student a gift bag full of goodies such as energy drinks, junk food, coupons and condoms! Essential items for every student!

...I fucking love junk food.

So boom! Two months into the #yearoftheABH and we've had a taste of university life! I'm trying to think of anything particular I want to share but I prefer to keep most things on the down low... Until I at least have reason to share.

Take care all 3 people who read this blog!

OH WAIT YEAH I BUSTED MY LUNG AGAIN WHOOPS. I got sharp, shooting pains up my right arm while out yesterday so I went to the hospital and they found out my lung collapsed again. I hope it doesn't interfere with my university course or soccer. I'm a magnet for trouble, I swear!

How much are we talking here?

Last Thursday I was invited out to lunch by a few of my mates (oh, and Queen) to try something called Harry's Cafe De Wheels... Now, when I was told about this place I wasn't too convinced because all I was hearing was how great their sausages are. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of sausage (both innuendo and literal), so I don't really care for a kiosk that sells the "best sausages in town". I eventually caved to Michelle's invite and ended up tagging along with Tyrone, Anthony and Kimberly (oh, and Queen) to this random ass food kiosk in the middle of Goddamn nowhere... Otherwise known as Liverpool. It was a nice to catch up with Anthony considering how hard it is to go see him and how little we chat otherwise. I knew he was doing well when his T-shirt read "Snoop Diggity Dawg" (Long story short this was a team name related to cadets or flight academy... I forget which).

Michelle, being the qualified Asian female driver among the group, drove everyone apart from Anthony to this cafe. I came out of the ordeal with my limbs still attached to my body so I can't complain.

I was honestly expecting this place to be something different, like a roadside restaurant or something, but it is literally a refurbished kebab shop with the most Australian shit painted on the sides. Everyone ordered this glorified hot dog with mashed peas on top... I ordered a meat pie. This isn't America... We don't gorge on hot dogs in this country. Well, to be totally honest it was more of a pastry thing, but what difference does it make when the meat tasted like boot. The outside was good though. Mmmm.

So I'm guessing Krispy Kreme means something to most people. I'm one of those guys who would rather have something savoury over something sweet, which is why I never really bothered with KK. But yeah, the gang (and Queen) decided to pop into the KK for a dozen glazed donuts. Now, the KK was under total renovation so instead of closing the shop entirely they had a weird little setup with a van, several tables and the big ass umbrellas with the logos on top. This van had an entire cappuccino machine built into the back. Who even likes subwoofers? Real men shove a little bit of Italy in the back of their rides... Shit, that sounded gay. But yeah, KK after lunch for those thunder thighs and that ba-donkey-donk ass. By this point Anthony had to head off unfortunately.

Michelle mentioned earlier how she intended to check out Harvey Norman to browse their tablets. She isn't a fan of iPads but she had her eyes set on the Surface Pro. Now, this old asian employee, who was probably a Shogun back in his day, was the most cunning salesman I've seen in a Harvey Norman. "Tony", or as Michelle called him, "Kenny", instantly jumped into telling her why the Surface Pro is the best Goddamn invention this world has ever seen. You know about sliced bread, right? Heck, this tablet invented sliced bread. This tablet, because of it's ultra-modern design, has already cured cancer and AIDS. The only thing this tablet can't do is find Queen a guy she likes, but nothing's perfect.

But back to Tony... Mr Tony managed to hook all three girls into his spiel - Michelle, Queen and Tyrone Kimberly. According to Mr Tony the Surface Pro, on this particular day of this particular month of this particular year... Is like $300 off. INSTANTLY Michelle's eyes rolled dollar signs and the three of them formed a little huddle. At the end I swear they threw their hands in and screamed "Gooo TONY!". Somehow these three broke girls (Heh) managed to have $700 dollars lying around in their accounts, cards and bras. The best part though... The best bloody part is when they told Tony they need to get a breath of fresh air and think it over, which is perfectly fine...

Next thing we know we're sitting on a random lounge suite and they're calling up JB HI FI to see if they can beat Tony's deal. I'm not sure if that's being smart or just being cheap... But I would've loved to see Tony take on JB HI FI's offer.

JB HI FI didn't offer them shit.

But anyway, at the end of this fiasco Tony walks away with a commission of probably $1k+ and the three amigos each have some sort of Surface Pro party when they get home.




I love my iPad.

Btw - Queen and I are just mates. I prefer it that way so dw I'm not trying to get into her pants... I don't like Thai penis anyway. No hard feelings, beb.

Also - As much shit as I get for #yearoftheABH... It caught on real fucking quick. That's gonna be trending by the end of this year. Please continue.

"White people"

Have you guys ever been to a white people BBQ? I'm asking because most of the people who do read this aren't white. I celebrated Straya Day last night with some of my mates and it's definitely a breath of fresh air to hang with my own kind... By that I mean idiots. Haha but seriously the guys I've been hanging around for the last year or so now are pretty... Weird. It stems from the PDHPE crew back in Year 11 and 12, of which led me to meet a bunch of guys in their mid 20's. They're pretty cool people but at the same time I don't think my definition of "cool" fits the textbook. Anyway, I was invited over to Ryan's brother's (Mark) house for a BBQ - You know, sausages and steak with sides of salad and pasta bake - Pretty white stuff.

When I arrived at Mark's house I tried to help set up a little. Elias, Aiden, Aaron and Nat (One of Elias' mates) arrived earlier. Elias and Aiden went to grab the table from the shed, and they called me over to pick up the mini fridge next to it. "Mark said we need the mini fridge. C'mon ABH, go take it over." It was pretty awkward to carry but of course in front of your mates you don't want to be a bitch (However I'm pretty sure I was established one back in year 11). Mark's two dogs (Ava the big ass Rockwheeler and Onix the black, furry thing) weaved between us the whole night so I had to swerve back and forth carrying the heavy ass fridge. I plop it down next to the BBQ and Mark looks me dead in the eye "Why'd you bring the fridge? Ava ripped the cords - It doesn't even work." This is why I have trust issues.

The BBQ was set for roughly 6:00, so of course most people arrived around like 7:30. All the older guys started pouring in along with their partners. One of them in particular, by the name of Reece, rolls up wearing trackies and around his neck he had a wine sac like one of those medieval drink satchels. For the rest of the night he sipped the damn thing and went through at least three bottles of wine. Watching him slowly lose control over his actions led me to question whether he was more sane drunk.

Anyway the night went along smoothly; plenty to drink and eat, good company, Ryan stepped in dog shit half way through the night... Smoothly.

We had a bonfire going the whole night. Eventually they decided to chuck in the carton that held the brand new Eski. This big fucking carton easily covered the entire bonfire pit. The entire thing set ablaze and Mark came running out of the house, whipped the hose out and extinguished the grass fire we started. It's funnier because they just sold the house, of which now has a huge black spot in the backyard.

Later into the night the older guys disappeared inside for a good 10 minutes to burst out wearing different coloured short-shorts. They danced around for a good half hour in various parts of the house.

Ehh.

By the end of the night they were spear tackling everything. Including the dogs? Especially the dogs.

Yeah this story is pretty anti-climactic at this point... I just said bye and went home...


#WhitePeople

I'll stand here with my collapsible lung ~

So I'm sitting here at 12:19 chowing down on a bowl of cereal, wondering where my days have been going. This last week has actually been all over the place, today's the first day I've been able to sit down and think. For the past week or two I've been having really bad chest pains so I decided to get an X-ray from where I work (Dr Glenn and Partners Medical Imaging). I wasn't expecting anything to come up but it turns out I have a partially collapsed lung, which isn't terribly bad but it seriously threw a spanner in the works. I can't exercise, I can't go for a swim, I can't go for a jog, hell... I can't even have a wank. I just have to wait until it gets better or it could end up much worse. The funniest thing is that on the morning of getting the X-ray I was listening to Relient K's album "Collapsable Lung" - Ironic. Also I'm glad my mates Aiden and Ryan laughed when I told them. Friendship. 

With that aside, the rest of the week has gone by pretty quickly. I finally got my hands on Animal Crossing: New Leaf (The series is a personal favourite of mine) as well as a brand new iPad. Since I'm soon to be attending UWS they gave me a free 16gb iPad Air. When I say free I actually mean that the iPad will be paid off 100x when I pay my uni fees.

When I went to claim my student I.D and my iPad at Parra campus I had to slot myself into a large queue. Most of the people around me were females, all paired with their mates and whatnot. I overheard a couple of them saying "Oh, I'm doing nursing this year" "Oh, I'm in the midwives course this year". Winston and Henry, who were also there to claim their stuff, saw me in the queue. If any of you know Winston it's not surprising to hear the first thing he did was point and laugh when he saw me. Winston comes up to the edge of the line and says "ABH, you're hotter than the Summer's day". At this point most people around me were looking at him. Henry asks what course I'm doing, to which I reply "Doing nursing, mate". Every girl within a 10m vicinity looked at me. Gonna be a fun year. On a separate note, those girls were pretty hot - can't wait to actually start my course hehe.

In other news, have any of you ever had a DnM with a psych student? It's pretty interesting. If they're dedicated to their course they'll turn your little convo into a practical lesson, slowly picking away at your story until they see whats inside. At like 2am the other day I was talking to my old mate, who is doing his second year at UNSW (I think). He reminds me of Raymond Giang but he plays basketball and doesn't wear glasses. The only real thing I got out of it all though is that I'm an asshole, but I already knew that.

Anyway, until my lung heals up (or gets worse) I probably won't have anything else to say for a little bit.

Have a good one,

ABH.

#Cloud9LCSChamps
#EGSucksAss
#yearoftheABH

"I'm a Virgin Mary" #ABHingAintEasy

Today was meant to be the day I headed over to the RTA, got my L's and everything would be sweet, but of course nothing is easy in the life of ABH. Originally I was planning on going by myself, you know, being the independent 18 year old that I am. My mum and sister however wanted to tag along to shop and whatnot, which means that we end up leaving the house not by 11:00am, not by 12:00pm, no... 2:00pm. Great.

Anyway, long story short when I get to the RTA lady she claims I need some form of ID to prove my residential status, which I didn't have (supposedly passport doesn't count). My mum, which is very against the idea of me driving, holds a Gold license and is capable of signing the form so I could sit my test. I tell her this and she follows me to the counter where she then tells the lady she won't sign and doesn't want me to crash and die somewhere along the line (which is fair, don't get me wrong, I get that). Anyway, after all that I told her I'll study the road code or whatever so I can try put her mind at rest - In return I'm hoping she will ease up about the whole subject. I could just get my dad to sign but I figure if I manage to gain her trust it'll be much easier for me in the long run. #GoodGuyABH

So yeah, I'm still motivated to get my license but I'm willing to delay just a little longer.

After that whole fiasco I headed to Macarthur Square, where all the cool twelvies hang out. Ezza, my Mexican friend from Taco Bell, got landed with a 12 hour shift so I decided to pay the cheeky slut a visit. The minute I walk in he gives me the stink eye and I just smile at him, slowly creeping forward. He told me, to my surprise, a chunk of Mac Fielders are heading to UWS this year (yay?). After bugging him at work for the next 20 minutes he manages to score a break.

This cheeky little burrito managed to go to Paramore the other day, so obviously I had to interrogate him for some details. In particular I remember him saying how he grinded some fat chick, to which I claimed he must have lost his virginity. "Hell no, I'm a Virgin Mary." He'd make a great black woman... I can just imagine the sass and the finger snappin'. Praise the Lord!

Eventually he had to go back to work, so I headed over to the tech stores (you know how it is, gotta check up JB HI FI errytime I'm in a shopping center). I decided to #yolo it and buy myself a 2DS because I too am actually a twelvie (shh). Now, the 2DS comes with a free game and an accessory kit. Cool. Of course in the life of ABH, things don't come easy. The bloody game they have, the only one they have, is "Sesame St Puzzle Time"... I mean, sure, I fucking love Sesame St but damn, I don't have the brain capacity to work out those puzzles. They should know those games are too hard.

But seriously, I asked the guy if I could trade it in straight away so I could get some money off the DS itself. I saved myself a whole $4.00... I know, amazing.

For anyone interested, my friend code is: 2380-4303-2402

Planning on getting some games eventually. According to Sarah (my sister), a lot of people play Pokemon at uni haha.

#ABHingAintEasy

Lazy Sunday

So here's the problem with trying to blog regularly, ESPECIALLY ON SUNDAYS... I don't have anything interesting to say. Wait, what do you mean? *Incoming Biblical stuff* You see in Christianity, Sundays are deemed Holy as it was the day God relaxed after creating everything. Now, having a really Christian mum means that my upbringing was heavily based around Biblical teachings. On Sundays we're supposedly not allowed to participate in labour or purchase anything, we're just meant to relax - take the day off. Although I never really followed the tradition I did use it constantly as an excuse for not studying on Sundays. Anyway, with my family all relaxing/taking the day off I'm left with little to do apart from surf the net or occasionally go out (if I have the cash). Hence the term "Lazy Sunday". I'll admit I don't mind relaxing on Sundays but when you've spent the last month or two relaxing it becomes a chore. 

Anyway I doubt I'll update this blog daily, my life isn't that interesting, but I'd still like to update it once a week minimum (incase anyone reads this thing).

Btw I can't wait to get a license so I don't have to drag around my passport as photo I.D. Seriously, I went to the bottle shop on New Year's Eve and the lady behind the counter laughed at my photo. Rude. 

Boom! Motivation!

Lately people have been making use of their time off to either earn cash, work out or simply hang with friends... I'm not satisfied with how little I've done over the past month or so, BUT

...this week's going to be different.

No it isn't.

Shut up, yes it is. This week I'm going to tackle life by the ankles and finally do things I've put off for years now.

1) License. Everyone drives these days. EVERYONE. I mean, you know that little twelvie that spams your feed on Facebook with selfies at that costume party she's at? Yeah, she probably drives too. The entire world revolves around on four wheels. My mum even has a Gold license. But your mum is like 120, isn't that normal? You'd think, but the last time she drove a vehicle was before I was born. The records were lost when she moved to Australia so the bloody RTA was like, NO WORRIES MATE, and threw her a free Gold license. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I have to get my L's this week. I'm 18 now, I don't need to wait for someone to sign for me or whatever. Time to get it done.

2) Haircut. I'm just putting it here because this is practically a To-Do list now. Short back and sides, thanks. Btw while on this topic, I love my hairdresser.

3) GYM membership. OH ABH, YOU'RE SO RIPPED... Is what people would say if I got onto this when I was in like year 10. Anyway, there is only so much you can do at home before you feel like you need to use proper equipment. The only real concern I have is with payments, but I'm sure I could work something out. But yeah, GYM and stuff! (Don't worry lads, I'm not unfit, just need to transition into a harder workout).

4) Buy some albums. Do you know how many albums I've torrented in my life time? *Police sirens* But seriously, I have so many favourites and I kept promising myself that I'd buy them when I had the chance - well this is my chance. Same goes for my favourite movies and boxsets, but those are more expensive. I'm just excited to come home one day with a bag full of Relient K, Owl City, A Day to Remember and Miley Cyru-- Eh.


Just going to say this now that my rant is over - I feel stupid blogging BUT I'm having fun doing it... So, yeah. 

#yearoftheABH

2014 #yearoftheABH

WHAT'S UP, 2014?! 

Twenty-bloody-fourteen. How on Earth did you get here so fast? Only yesterday I was in year 6 crushing on the tallest white girl in the grade, but now we're here in the present and university is knocking at my doorstep. It's funny because high school was such a blur and now it's over... No more Wednesday assemblies, no more canteen lunches. Sigh.

Since my last post in 2012 I've had my ups, downs, loop-de-loops and God damn back flips of moments due to friends, family and situations I threw myself into. Nice work ABH. You're welcome.

But that's the problem... As I said it was a huge blur and I barely remember the details. I remember panicking over English with Mrs Judge lurking the halls or getting caught in awkward arguments between friends of mine... But nothing really stuck.

Until recently. 

Post HSC, kids, is incredibly over-rated... Had to clear that up before I went on any further. Seriously, forget the HSC itself, make a detailed plan on how you're going to live life after the tests are finished. I mean my social life is okay but I still end up moping around the house making small talk with my cat. Fortunately my cat replies with a wholehearted "Meow" followed by a bite to the ankle or a scratch to the arm. Bastard. Anyway, a lot has happened over the last month or two.

1) Graduated/Sat Exams: Year 12 finished for me on like the 5th of November, if I remember correctly, with that being the day of my last exam - Biology. The actual feeling though, the whole relief, hit me sometime right before formal. I mean it honestly didn't sink in until I was putting on my suit for formal. Nice threads btw. Cheers. Speaking of which...

2) Formal: It was a really nice night; the food was good, everyone looked great, I attempted to dance several times throughout the night... Hell, I even won a sash for "Bravest". I'll be honest, ladies and gentlemen, the reason I won that sash is because I went around to all my mates before we voted and told them "ABH for bravest" *wink, wink*. I remember Brigitta's face as she announced it... It was a combination of confusion and disbelief... But hey, I have a sash! Ha!

3) Turned 18: People are all like, "I'mma get so drunk when I turn 18" or they're like "I'mma hit up all the clubs when I turn 18". Shit son, my original plans were to invite all my mates to an all you can eat Pizza Hut restaurant. Eventually my plans were swayed to a more mature venue - Hooters. The organization was pretty bad, I'll be honest. I avoided inviting too many people but in the end a number of my mates pulled out anyway. My older friends brought along their fiancees, which was fine considering how we had spare seats and they're cool people.

Crystal, or whatever she called herself, made me a custom bib to have with my rack of ribs. She drew a pair of boobs in pink, signing her name at the bottom. The best part of the night, well maybe for some, was when they forced me to get up and dance with the other birthday boys in the joint. One of them was drunk and could barely stand. He pretty much stole the limelight when the chicken dance came around. For the rest of the night we watched as the drunk guy sang with all the hooters girls and generally had a good time.

For those who were left over, we decided to head over to Mark's house (one of the older guys I told you about), where we watched MMA fighting and had shots of God knows what. I feel sorry for Jacinda who sat their awkwardly as their dog Onix licked her to bits and the guys around her were just talking about League of Legends. Hehe.

The last thing to really say about the night were the presents: an Iron Man graphic novel (nice, nice) and a Nintendo 3DS accessory kit... What? I was discussing with Tyrone earlier to see what could happen, and maybe see if they could scratch up enough to shout me a 3DS. Haha honestly I wasn't expecting them to but now I have accessories! Once I get the damned thing I can use the screen protectors and the case they bought me.

Nah but seriously ty lads, it was a good night.

4) Early offers: UWS, my local, offered me two courses before the main rounds: Sport and exercise science, and nursing. I took nursing. Not sure whether it was the allure of a female dominated workplace or the fact being that Sport and Exercise scientists don't have stable jobs straight out of uni... Actually, it was the latter. The former is just a bonus.

Anything else? Yeah, plenty actually but I just can't remember it all. Honestly I had my own set of highs and lows after HSC as well, but I guess that's just life at work.

Boom! Welcome to the new year guys. I hope you all are enjoying your break from school and wish you all the best of luck in university. You'll need it.

Btw, made a ranked team with the boys tonight called "Digimon".

#digimonforworlds

#digimonseason4champs

#bulbasaurbetterthanmadlife

(Only Tyrone will really get this)